Must Acquire Gumption

I am trying to prepare a few manuscripts for submission, I've researched publishers, and am writing cover letters. Soon, I will kiss my stories goodbye and send them out.

I look at the estimated time to hear back from publisher - 3-6 months, and think, "but I can't wait that long." Then I see it may take up to 2 years for the story to be actually published. What a slow, tedious process. Uggh! It makes me wonder if it's worth the effort. But then I think, "of course it is. If you're I writer, you have to jump through the hoops."

Who cares if it takes 2 years or 10. It's part of the process, and part of the walk I've decided to take. Must have courage. Must try.

Wish me luck.

The Energizer Mommy . . .

I have been giving it my all at the gym twice a week with a trainer and my little group. When I can, on the other days, I walk or run. I feel really wonderful after a workout - like I'm the Energizer Mommy, and I can keep going and going, and. . . okay, you get the picture.

Exercise is going well, it's the eating properly that I've been struggling with. I find it very difficult to make healthy food choices - especially when I'm tired. I was up until 4:00 AM on Tuesday, working on my assignment for class, and it took me a few days to recover from the lack of sleep. I guess I'm not 20 anymore! Last night I had to get out of the house, so I went to the Mall. I walked around Winners, looking at clothes (sometimes the thought of trying on clothes and seeing a smaller dress size is motivating for me!). So, there I was trying to get motivated to keep on track, and all I could think of was going to Starbucks to buy a gooey type of square. Something with chocolate and caramel. Maybe a cookie crust. Mmmn, yummy.

I tried to fight the temptation, really I did. . . but all I could think about was the gooey goodness, and I found myself riding down the escalator - floating single-mindedly towards that ultra rich bite that would take me out of the moment and leave me in a spa-like state. My mouth was watering. . . this moment was to die for!

I was getting closer, I could hear the cappucino machines. I could smell the dark roast coffee like a little cloud of heaven. My nose was in the air, and my feet were barely touching the tile floor. I was almost there. So close, so bloody close...

And then, I ran into Laura, one of my new workout buddies. There she was, in the shop right beside Starbucks. Ordering vegetable stir-fry.

Damn.

Away flew my dream of chocolate square elation!! I simply could not go in and order something sinful. Her very presence reminded me that I needed - I WANTED - to stay on track.

Oh, God, I almost hugged her. (Except that I don't know her very well, and wasn't sure if that would be oh, you know, weird.)

We exchanged pleasantries. I told her she saved me from baaaad stuff, man.

I left, went back up the escalator. I was feeling pretty darned good. No gooey chocolate/caramel/cookie-bottom added to my waste, I could go home with my head held high.

Then, as I got off the escalator I noticed the candy machines, and the little Reeses Pieces that I love.

I looked in my wallet, and low and behold, one quarter! It was meant to be - and I thought to myself, "self, go ahead. What's a quarters worth of candy going to do to you?" So, I squatted down. I put my quarter in the little slot. I turned the dial. I heard the plink, plink, plink as the candy was released into the little shute. I slowly lifted the little doorway. I let the orange and brown pieces of wonderfulness fall into my hand. I was just scooting the last few out of the shute and into my palm, when I noticed this man standing beside me.

"Hi."
"Hello there."
"Those look good."
"Yes, they do."
"If I give you a dime, can you give me a quarter so I can get some too?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, that was my last quarter."
"Could I have some, anyway? I really need some of those."
"Oh, okay, sure. I don't mind."

And, I poured them into his hand. All those yummy bits.

Now, here's my question - which guardian angel of mine nudged this man over to take my candy? Hmmn?

Returning to the Old Journey - but Hopeful this Time

I really wish I was better at staying with fitness. . . but it seems like I always fall off the exercise wagon and lose my motivation to watch what I eat. Why is that? I have battled with my weight all of my life. . . well, maybe not when I was 4. I started losing weight in Grade 11, and found I didn't go about it in a healthy way. I had issues. I thought that if I lost weight my life would be great . . . but it doesn't really work that way.

Last August I turned 40, and I was motivated by a fellow staff member to lose 40 pounds in my 40th year. She was able to keep it off, and she looked great. I didn't know her when she was heavier, so I still can't imagine her being overweight. Anyhow, she inspired me. So, I decided to try too.

I lost 20 pounds with diet (weight watchers) and exercise, but this winter I gained 5 back. I'm so mad at myself. Joining the Biggest Loser/Winner is very exciting for me. I love the exercise, and the comradery that is building with the three other women in my group. Our trainer, Shirley, is a great motivator, and I'm thankful that I landed in her group!

I really hope I can continue on this journey without falling back to my old ways. I'm not finding the diet side of this equation easy these days - especially when I'm tired - I crave chocolate and cookies, and have to fight the urge daily (the chocolate wins a little too often for my liking.) Anyway, that is how I"m feeling today in my sleep-deprived state.

A few things that helped so far:

• Realizing that I don't want my tombstone to read: "Carol loved chocolate".
• Trying on clothes, and fitting into smaller sizes. I don't even buy right now, I just try.
• Donating my bigger sizes so it isn't so comfortable to regain.
• Realizing that I shouldn't wait for "someday" to start - I need to live it now.
• Running 5 K and loving it.

Okay, that's it for now.

I've got Sneaky Plans and Clever Tricks....

OMG - have you ever read the Enormous Crocodile to a group of 3rd graders? It is one of the funniest books to share with kids - and I've completely fallen in love with it. I have the enormous crocodile's voice in my head right now as I write this blog post.

So, the question is, what are MY sneaky plans and clever tricks? I'm crossing the road with my stories. I'm contorting myself to do the job. I've started the Kids Fic Critique Group, and have been submitting stories for feedback. Next step - placing them in the envelope, and sending them off with a kiss. In the past, I've been exclusive with my submissions - but not any more. Nope. I'm going broader, baby, and I can't wait. Sneaky plans, clever tricks, and lots of stamps in this girls future. Also considering pseudonym's - because as much as my writing is about following my bliss - it's also about getting readers to pick my books off the shelf. I have a long, unpronounceable last name, and I'm afraid it will scare readers away. What's in a name anyway, right Dr. Seuss? Anyhow, I'm considering names that have meaning to me - I'm not going to go out there and grab a trendy name. I still have family values. I'm not selling out, yet. For now, I'm going to walk the walk and make it so.

Out and about today, thinking

I had a very grand day today. Nothing special - probably mundane to most people - but for me my mind was clicking about making connections and being hopeful.

This is what I did:

1. I spent 5 minutes with Kieran (before school) showing him how to put rosin on his bow. I tried to explain how far to tighten it, how to hold it, etc. All learned by me last night on YouTube (Yahoo Web 2.0).

2. I remembered to pack lunches.

3. I remembered to send lunches.

4. I walked the big boys to school while James stayed with Aidan.

5. I read with a small group of Kindergarteners for 20 minutes.

6. I returned home and did ring around the rosie with Aidan. We did some fingerplays, giggled, read a book, and had a small snack.

7. Aidan and I visited with our neighbour and her therapy dog named Lucy.

8. I wrestled Aidan into the car (he hates to leave his furry friends).

9. We listened to music and drove downtown. I filled up the car with gas, Aidan fell asleep, I drove for a bit and wondered if it was too cold to go to the Wharf.

10. Instead of the Wharf, we went to the mall to get James the shirt he needs for work.

11. Aidan charmed 3 of the Eddie Bauer workers.

12. We met an old woman who admired how good natured Aidan is. He waved at her.

13. We saw groups of adults with special needs shopping. They had workers with them, and it was a completely normal experience for them, and for everyone else shopping.

14. 13 made me think of my dad and how years ago I skipped school to help take him and some other patients from the hospital on a cruise on the Chi Cheemaun from the Owen Sound harbour to Tobermory. Dad and some of the others were in wheelchairs and we took them to the lounge near the bow so they could see out. The other people who were sitting nearby got noticeably uncomfortable and left. It was a day that my heart was on my sleeve - I rarely got to be out of the hospital with Dad, and the fact that we were on the ferry together was monumental in my teenage brain. I wanted to say something meaningful and life-changing to those people. I wanted them to look at people with disabilities differently. I wanted them to see that my dad had a certain dignity, a way of holding his head up high, a twinkle in his eye, and an intelligence that never dimmed. But, I didn't say anything, just gulped it down and tried to forget them (obviously that is not the case as this event took place over 20 years ago).

15. The wistful looking back, and today's ability to sit with Aidan in the quiet noise of the mall, and the realizing of how far we've come in regards to people who are differently-abled made me hopeful for our future. Made me grateful for Aidan's future. And, well, just made me grateful in general.

16. The list went on, but I will not.

A Night at the Roundtable

When I first moved to the West Coast 5 months ago I joined two groups - the Writer's Society and the Children's Literature Roundtable. Both give me an opportunity to pursue my life as a writer of children's fiction - and provide a chance to get out of the house once in a while without the boys.

Last night's Roundtable event was lovely in many ways - I felt like things were finally coming together, and that I was on solid ground. The speakers were Michelle Mulder and Robin Stevenson, and they talked about writing for children, and their experiences getting published. I had met these two months ago at my very first Roundtable night - they chatted with me about living on the coast, about writing, and about our families. I was surprised last night that they remembered me (something in me thinks I am forgettable), and they asked if I was settled in, and how my writing was going. It was nice, you know? Hearing them talk about their journey to become published made me realize that I am closer. Their story could easily be my story.

So, what is the difference between a published author and a wannabee? Persistence, me thinks! I need to do more of the business side of things - writing submission letters, sending them off, and I need to continue to write. If I see myself as a writer, then I am a writer - published or not. Right? Still though, it would be nice to see my books on the library shelf - or rather, not on the shelf - but at the check-out counter, ready to go.

And I am ready, I realize that now. Thank you Roundtable. Thank you Michelle and Robbin. Thank you.

Picture this...

I'm sitting in the Doctor's office - waiting for my physical to begin. I'm wearing a thin blue gown that would get me arrested if I wore it anywhere else but there. I'm waiting, half naked, for 1/2 an hour, sitting on the examining table, swinging my feet back and forth thinking. Thinking: "I'd really like to steal one of those tongue depressers." But I didn't. Then I was thinking of a good opening line for a novel and I thought: "I should write that down before I forget it." So, I'm trying to remember if I have a pen in my purse, and then I'm contemplating writing it on a tongue depresser (they won't mind too much, would they - especially not if my book is any good). I'm just about to hop off the table to "borrow" one of the sticks when I decide I should rummage through my bag for a scrap of paper first. Low and behold, my writing book is actually in there for a change. Then I'm thinking: "okay, it's a sign, this story is meant to be."

I wrote down about half of the first chapter. Developed in my mind 3 of the characters, the setting, and the general plot. I even came up with the perfect title and ran through a list of publishers (in my head, of course) that would consider such a novel.

Now I'm thinking: "is it wrong that I thanked the Doctor for being late?"