Must Acquire Gumption

I am trying to prepare a few manuscripts for submission, I've researched publishers, and am writing cover letters. Soon, I will kiss my stories goodbye and send them out.

I look at the estimated time to hear back from publisher - 3-6 months, and think, "but I can't wait that long." Then I see it may take up to 2 years for the story to be actually published. What a slow, tedious process. Uggh! It makes me wonder if it's worth the effort. But then I think, "of course it is. If you're I writer, you have to jump through the hoops."

Who cares if it takes 2 years or 10. It's part of the process, and part of the walk I've decided to take. Must have courage. Must try.

Wish me luck.

The Energizer Mommy . . .

I have been giving it my all at the gym twice a week with a trainer and my little group. When I can, on the other days, I walk or run. I feel really wonderful after a workout - like I'm the Energizer Mommy, and I can keep going and going, and. . . okay, you get the picture.

Exercise is going well, it's the eating properly that I've been struggling with. I find it very difficult to make healthy food choices - especially when I'm tired. I was up until 4:00 AM on Tuesday, working on my assignment for class, and it took me a few days to recover from the lack of sleep. I guess I'm not 20 anymore! Last night I had to get out of the house, so I went to the Mall. I walked around Winners, looking at clothes (sometimes the thought of trying on clothes and seeing a smaller dress size is motivating for me!). So, there I was trying to get motivated to keep on track, and all I could think of was going to Starbucks to buy a gooey type of square. Something with chocolate and caramel. Maybe a cookie crust. Mmmn, yummy.

I tried to fight the temptation, really I did. . . but all I could think about was the gooey goodness, and I found myself riding down the escalator - floating single-mindedly towards that ultra rich bite that would take me out of the moment and leave me in a spa-like state. My mouth was watering. . . this moment was to die for!

I was getting closer, I could hear the cappucino machines. I could smell the dark roast coffee like a little cloud of heaven. My nose was in the air, and my feet were barely touching the tile floor. I was almost there. So close, so bloody close...

And then, I ran into Laura, one of my new workout buddies. There she was, in the shop right beside Starbucks. Ordering vegetable stir-fry.

Damn.

Away flew my dream of chocolate square elation!! I simply could not go in and order something sinful. Her very presence reminded me that I needed - I WANTED - to stay on track.

Oh, God, I almost hugged her. (Except that I don't know her very well, and wasn't sure if that would be oh, you know, weird.)

We exchanged pleasantries. I told her she saved me from baaaad stuff, man.

I left, went back up the escalator. I was feeling pretty darned good. No gooey chocolate/caramel/cookie-bottom added to my waste, I could go home with my head held high.

Then, as I got off the escalator I noticed the candy machines, and the little Reeses Pieces that I love.

I looked in my wallet, and low and behold, one quarter! It was meant to be - and I thought to myself, "self, go ahead. What's a quarters worth of candy going to do to you?" So, I squatted down. I put my quarter in the little slot. I turned the dial. I heard the plink, plink, plink as the candy was released into the little shute. I slowly lifted the little doorway. I let the orange and brown pieces of wonderfulness fall into my hand. I was just scooting the last few out of the shute and into my palm, when I noticed this man standing beside me.

"Hi."
"Hello there."
"Those look good."
"Yes, they do."
"If I give you a dime, can you give me a quarter so I can get some too?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, that was my last quarter."
"Could I have some, anyway? I really need some of those."
"Oh, okay, sure. I don't mind."

And, I poured them into his hand. All those yummy bits.

Now, here's my question - which guardian angel of mine nudged this man over to take my candy? Hmmn?

Returning to the Old Journey - but Hopeful this Time

I really wish I was better at staying with fitness. . . but it seems like I always fall off the exercise wagon and lose my motivation to watch what I eat. Why is that? I have battled with my weight all of my life. . . well, maybe not when I was 4. I started losing weight in Grade 11, and found I didn't go about it in a healthy way. I had issues. I thought that if I lost weight my life would be great . . . but it doesn't really work that way.

Last August I turned 40, and I was motivated by a fellow staff member to lose 40 pounds in my 40th year. She was able to keep it off, and she looked great. I didn't know her when she was heavier, so I still can't imagine her being overweight. Anyhow, she inspired me. So, I decided to try too.

I lost 20 pounds with diet (weight watchers) and exercise, but this winter I gained 5 back. I'm so mad at myself. Joining the Biggest Loser/Winner is very exciting for me. I love the exercise, and the comradery that is building with the three other women in my group. Our trainer, Shirley, is a great motivator, and I'm thankful that I landed in her group!

I really hope I can continue on this journey without falling back to my old ways. I'm not finding the diet side of this equation easy these days - especially when I'm tired - I crave chocolate and cookies, and have to fight the urge daily (the chocolate wins a little too often for my liking.) Anyway, that is how I"m feeling today in my sleep-deprived state.

A few things that helped so far:

• Realizing that I don't want my tombstone to read: "Carol loved chocolate".
• Trying on clothes, and fitting into smaller sizes. I don't even buy right now, I just try.
• Donating my bigger sizes so it isn't so comfortable to regain.
• Realizing that I shouldn't wait for "someday" to start - I need to live it now.
• Running 5 K and loving it.

Okay, that's it for now.